I’ve been playing Restaurant Story for exactly 8 days, 3 hours and 9 minutes….{ding ding} hold on, my tomato bisque is ready. Things started casually with two burners, a handful of tables, happy customers…heck, I even made enough money to paint stripes on part of the walls and add three windows. Sure some food spoiled overnight and I didn’t always have enough servings for the guests, but it was no big deal. That is, until things got competitive…

What started as a simple game allowing you to build and run your own restaurant soon became glazed over eyes, loss of attention span and a case of Keeping up with the Joneses. Let me give you a tiny snapshot of the situation:

Date night out: {ding ding} (mid conversation) hold on, my mac and cheese has been on the burner too long.
 
On the phone with my mom: {ding ding} Her:”what was that?!” Me:”Oh nothing!” (while quickly turning screen over to throw another batch of lemon scones into the oven and upgrade to a larger dining room)
 
4:00am dead asleep: {ding ding} drowse induced sauteing while serving out slop because someone (me) didn’t realize that cooking time would be complete in 16 hours aka: before the sun came up.

Clearly Restaurant Story took over. Now even my husband was playing. Conversations during dinner shifted from what happened that day to what’s your café square footage, how many appliances you had installed, if you reached level 18 yet and how on earth would we acquire all the tools to build a sushi bar. Do I need to remind you that this is a GAME?

Yeah, This is not good people. Not good at all.

Here’s the download:

The Competition: Your neighbors will infuriate you. Granted they are obviously shelling out cold hard REAL coins to accomplish the gaudy levels you are witnessing. Walls made of gold clock parts? A real life leprechaun dancing around the dining room?! Rainbow walls, an arcade game AND an Amish loom?! Those things cost at least 24 green gems a piece (ahem $5.00)! Listen up “UcanHasFood” – You and your level 84 status do not intimidate me. Okay, well a little. A lot, actually…nice chocolate fountain.

Important: Do not cave. Your modest establishment is the real deal. You don’t need flash to get people smiling or coming back for more clam chowder. Do not waste you real green cash on this game. Sell a few more plates of french toast and save up for another chair or two. Hard work and sweat reap big rewards in the long haul…well, in real life anyway. In this game? Well, I still have half unpainted walls and a plywood hostess stand. Sigh.

The Reality: You will accomplish pathetic milestones and catch yourself celebrating them. Hard. Said accomplishments will be a backhanded compliment such as “Burrito Apprentice”. It doesn’t matter if you’ve spent a week flipping pancakes, serving out paella by the bucket, manipulated seating arrangements and maintain a 100% smile rate. “Burrito Apprentice”?! Why can’t you just be fair and award me a few extra coins and let me finish the rest of my floor? Half of it is still cement! This is embarrassing.

Also worth note: Food will be ready to serve in strange batches. There is no way around it until you unlock more complimentary items. Waffles, oysters and burritos anyone? Orders up! Clearly I have a strange clientele because they were chowing down on this wack-a-do grub like it was bogo time at Pennymart. Disgusting.

The verdict: I’ve had it with you Restaurant Story. You don’t own me! I will unplug from your tight wireless grip. I am just fine with the fact that I will never have a soda fountain or be able to expand to 13×16. There are other things, real things to be cooking today…and I’ve always thought your “Morning Cheer” Breakfast with the marshmallow snowman was just weird….I’m officially restricting all future push notifications.

Whew.

There, closure. Game Over. I am going to delete it right this….{ding ding} oh wait, I unlocked pork buns?! Awesome….

I MEAN YOU TEMPTRESS!!!

*delete*

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